Tongue-In-Cheek End Times Showdown [WHFB]

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    • Tongue-In-Cheek End Times Showdown [WHFB]

      Back when Nagash was released at the start of the End Times of Warhammer Fantasy, me and my brother brainstormed about how the End Times would go. Not least, we came up with a parody version, which runs something like this. This is just for the childish fun of it. ;)


      The End Times

      The Dwarfs realize that the apocalypse has come, and that they have broken their ancient secret oath to own all the gold in the world when the End Times occur. Shamed, all Dwarfs become Slayers and goes berzerk over the mountains, led by Grimnir who returns from the Realm of Chaos. Aenarion returns, bashes the head of Finubar, Ariel and Malekith together and unites all the Elves. However, Grimnir uses the original Phoenix Crown as a chamber-pot, for which a second War of the Beard breaks out that annihilates the two elder races.

      Gork and Mork manifests into the world and battles it out who will lead the Greenskins in da Last Waaagh! However, Grimgor cuts them both down and declares himself Ragnarork.

      The Halflings goes extinct as the whole population of the Mountains of Mourn attacks the Moot.

      Gilles le Breton takes command of Bretonnia and disappears with its entire knightly nobility.

      The Skaven are united under a council of thirteen Verminlords. As one, the vile ratmen swamps almost all of the world in filth, famine and their skittering hordes.

      In an epic clash, the Empire is destroyed and Valten killed. Nagash and Archaon battles it out over the ruined Empire in an even more titanic struggle between Chaos and Undeath. Suddenly, the Skaven surrounds the two giant armies and bears down on them in endless waves. The Everchosen and Nagash are forced to defend themselves and ally temporarily, but seemingly to no avail. Together, they cease their duel and charge at the thirteen Verminlords. The Rat Daemons stand strong before the Lords of the End Times. Strong, that is, until Grimgor shows up and slaughters his way to the rear of the Verminlords, whose nerves fails them. They run away, and the Skaven's days of glory are over.

      Archaon defeats Nagash, but Grimgor (again!) headbashes Archaon to death to show who's da best.

      The world is trashed in an orgy of destruction. Death and the collapse of civilization is everywhere. With Nagash gone, Chaos gains the upper hand. The Undead are ground down, and all the Daemons of Chaos invades the world. However, there remains one hope. From the jungle cities of Lustria, the Lizardmen hosts appear.

      The Lizardmen block all the hosts of Chaos, and all the Slann unites in a maelstrom of destruction that devastates their enemies. Saurus and skink defend their masters, yet Nurgle strikes a blow when his endless swarm of Plague Drones makes it through the barrage and descends upon the helpless Slanns. The secret weapon is revealed at that moment, and all the Slanns shoot out tongues and eat the pestilent flies.

      The servants of the Old Ones are about to triumph at last. Beastmen, Dawi Zharr, mortal Warriors and Daemons of Chaos are massacred and pushed back towards the northern Polar Gate. Then, disaster strikes. The chivalrous hosts of Bretonnia lines up in lance formation after lance formation, and charge the rear of the Lizardmen army, skewering the Slanns and eating the most delicious dish of frog legs in the entire history of Bretonnian cuisine before the Dark Gods of Chaos destroys them and the entire Warhammer world.

      The End.